The Dangerous Day of Daniel X by James Patterson

Okay, in traveling from Phoenix to Savannah, I decided to buy a mindless book that I could finish on the flights. So, I went to a book store and picked up what looked like would be a decent book that I could pass the time with. Little did I know that this book would almost be responsible for destroying the essence of my creative being.

Was that an introduction to a scary story? No it was the actual hell that I lived through for the few hours that The Dangerous Day of Danielle X was in my possession. Not only was this text the worst book ever written, it directly lead to my demise as a happy and productive person. You think that I am exaggerating? Read the book, I dear you. Or rather never read anything ever by James Patterson and his shitty co-author.

So the book is about this boy Danielle from another planet. His parents are alien hunters, and he takes over the position after they are murdered by an oversized praying mantis with an anger management problem. This kid has the power to create things by rearranging atoms. Why he doesn’t just make money and cool stuff and have an awesome life, I don’t know. Instead he runs around as a loner looking for aliens to kill. Not only that, he ‘creates’ his own friends, one of which is his girl friend. What a sad life. No real friends.

Basically, the kid ends up saving the planet, but that only if you get through the worst series of dialogue since the Roc in the Scorpion King. Example, Alien to Danielle: “You such a loser. I can’t believe that I tricked you so badly. You’re a loser [chorus laughing].” Later in the dialog “You slipped up. I read you dream, ‘Dumb-dumb.’ Dumb-dumb’ [Danielle gets shot in the stomach].

So basically I would recommend this book to someone how is either 8 years old, or an adult who is confidently happy, has a steady job with a future, and has never contemplated suicide.

Happy Reading,

James